Benussi Blog

Just as dogs are said to look like their owners, so couples who have been married a long time often resemble one another in appearance.

Now a new study claims that not only might you start to look like your partner, you are also likely to pick up their bad habits.

American researchers have found that if you marry a heavy smoker or a junk food addict, you’re at risk of developing the same vice. Similarly, if you like taking exercise but wed a couch potato, the chances are you’ll end up chilling on the sofa rather than going for a run.

Previous studies have generally associated stable relationships with good health, but this study shows that couples who walk down the aisle are likely to adopt one another’s bad points instead of helping each other to change.

I am always sceptical of such surveys, but this one struck a chord because what we see often at Benussi & Co are clients who have allowed themselves to become absorbed into the lives and personalities of their partners to the extent they have lost touch with who they are.

Married couples – certainly in the honeymoon years – will bend over backwards to understand and enjoy each other’s careers and interests. But when the balance of the relationship isn’t quite right, the danger is that the weaker party subsumes their character.

A good marriage is usually built upon common ground – shared values such as political persuasion and attitude to money – but it is very important for both partners to retain their sense of self.

However romantic it might sound, there is no such thing as “two becoming one”: everyone is – or should be – their own person. For a relationship to flourish and last, it’s vital that neither partner loses the sense of who they are as an individual.

As Sally Bercow seems keen to demonstrate, it’s perfectly okay for your husband to be a Tory and you a Labour supporter.

My advice to anyone tempted to pretend to like football just because their other half does or get sucked into eating takeaways because their spouse favours junk food is that you must always stay true to yourself.

It doesn’t matter how fantastic your relationship is or how close to your partner you feel, you are your own person. And you have to remain so. Never forget that it is that person your husband or wife fell in love with in the first place.