For men

Unexpectedly bumping into your ex-wife years after you last saw her can be an unsettling experience, particularly if either of you still harbours feelings of animosity or regret.

In such circumstances, women are more likely to fret that they’re not looking their best, whereas men will be less worried about their appearance. That’s because men are generally more confident about their looks – whether or not their girth has thickened or their pate has thinned in the intervening years.

However, outside their comfort zone, men can be socially gauche and to round a corner and find themselves face to face with their former partner may be an unnerving experience. A man might want to appear friendly, but awkwardness can render him monosyllabic if not downright rude.

As always, it’s wise to be prepared for the encounter. Women are particularly sensitive to body language, so you need to display an openness of manner, rather than giving the impression you’re trying to hide from her. Otherwise she’ll think you look cowed, shifty or like a politician!

It’s best to face your ex full on, planting your feet towards her, and give her a hug or a couple of air kisses – whichever seems more appropriate. Standing half turned away from her might leave her thinking you’re trying to escape, and she may be hurt by that.

Another thing to avoid is launching into a “haven’t I done well for myself” routine. Your sense of self-preservation may tempt you to tell her how fantastically your business is doing and what a great family man you’ve turned into, but she won’t want to hear that – no matter how she feels about you now.

My advice is to stay within the historical shape of your former relationship – in other words, stick to topics of conversation that you can both relate to. Inquire after your ex’s mother or sister; ask her how her job is going and if she’s still a member of the golf club. Don’t veer on to potentially sticky ground by asking if she’s happy or how her domestic arrangements have changed.

The reason it’s important to behave “well” in such circumstances is that it might be the last time you ever meet the woman to whom you were once married. Whatever happened between you, a lot of proverbial water will have flowed under the bridge since then and I doubt you’d want her abiding memory of you to be a negative one.

However discomfiting a chance meeting might be, it is likely to be relatively fleeting, so prepare to be magnanimous and apparently genuinely pleased to see her. You may be hurting inside, but if you carry it off, you’ll feel better in the long run.

• Next week: The first of a three-part blog discussing one of the more delicate aspects to divorce – sexually transmitted diseases