For women

When your marriage ends, it may be your most fervent wish never to clap eyes on your ex again. However, if you have children, there are bound to be occasions - school events, graduation ceremonies, weddings and so on - when the two of you will be in the same room together. Difficult though such events can be, at least you have the luxury of preparing mentally for the meeting well in advance.

What, though, if you have cut all ties with your former husband and then, many years later, unexpectedly run into him? It's a small world, as they say, so it's possible that however carefully you strive to avoid a chance encounter, one day, there he will be - in the same theatre bar, on the same train or in the same holiday resort.

One reason un-looked for meetings are far from uncommon is that two people who were once married are likely to share an interest, hobby or business connection. So, for instance, if you enjoyed bird-watching together, it's entirely feasible that you walk into a hide on the Norfolk Broads to find your ex gazing through a pair of binoculars.

If you are both on your own when it happens, it can be awkward enough; if one of you is with a new partner, the meeting has the potential to be excruciatingly uncomfortable and emotionally disturbing. At worst, it can lead to the unravelling of years of self-healing and take you back to the dark days of your marriage breakdown.

While you can't plan for an accidental encounter in the same way you can steel yourself to see your ex at your child's wedding, it's a good idea to contemplate the possibility of it happening, because even if you are confident you're "over" him, discovering him sitting at the next table can give you an emotional jolt.

My advice is to imagine the worst-case scenario - such as seeing him smooching with a new partner at a corporatedinner dance or bumping into him as he's shepherding his young family into an airport queue - and mentally plan your coping strategy.

This might involve totally ignoring him. You mustn't feel guilty or childish if you think this one is for you; if it's the most helpful then it's perfectly okay. Otherwise, you might feel able to greet him civilly, if not cordially, and ask after his wellbeing in a way that is bland enough to deter a flood of personal details, which you might prefer not to know about.

These days, of course, we are all supposed to be "grown up" in such situations, so you may want to acknowledge your ex-husband with a hug, a breezy "let's grab a coffee and catch up" and engage in a natter about what's happened to each of you in the intervening years. I suggest, though, that you only risk this if you are really sure the relationship is well and truly behind you - or if you have the confidence to carry it off, whatever you feel inside.

One way to develop that confidence is to rehearse what you will say if you do bump into him - something along the lines of "how lovely to see you - it's been so long", as if you are genuinely, but disinterestedly, pleased to see him. You can also make it your life's mantra to do everything as if you expect to come face to face with him - look your absolute best, even if you're only going out to the corner shop, and always have a smile on your lips. Adopting such a strategy won't just impress your former husband; it will help you move through life in a different, more positive way.

Next week: We'll meet again - even if we don't want to - for men